« 垂死之家的生活 第十八天 | 回到主頁面 | 任意門俱樂部 No.28 »

2007-09-24, 02:33 PM

助人為快樂之本?


在國小開始背誦的青年守則裡,比起其他條目,助人為快樂之本是最不容忘記的。

時至今日,如果要我重新背出這些條目,助人為快樂之本,也是我唯一寫得出來的一個。

不過真的是如此嗎?

「當初如果不是我,他怎麼會有今天,沒想到...」

「早知道他是這種人,那我一定不會幫他...」

「你這個笨蛋,早就叫你不要隨便借...」

長大之後,聽過的抱怨,似乎有許多都是從助人而起的。


除了助人為快樂之本外,我們也常說,施比受更有福。

最簡單的理由是,起碼你有,別人沒有。

施予,是一種給予。給予之物一旦給出去,自己就沒有了。(就算可以再生或有大量也是一樣。)


如果給出去,卻自己認為該物仍屬於自己,那就不屬於給予,是屬於借用。


雖然,給予,是不需歸還的。借用,是需要歸還的。


但我們仍常會搞混,什麼是給予,什麼又是借用。因為,借用之中,通常仍包含一個給予。


借書,借的是書,給予的是翻閱的權力。
借車,借的是車,給予的是駕駛的權力。


它所借取的是物,但隱含著給予了一個使用該物的權力。通常以上兩者的出借方,會叮嚀借方別把書弄髒了,或別把車撞壞了。


借橡皮擦,借的是橡皮擦,給予的是那一小部份的橡皮。
借立可白,借的是立可白,給予的是裡面可以遮掩錯字的塗料。


記不記得,在立可白並不便宜的那個年代,有時借方會問,你要塗哪裡?或要塗多少?如果對方發現是要塗掉一整段文字或是拿來畫課桌椅,通常會遭拒。


借水龍頭,是要求給予使用水龍頭的權力,以取得水龍頭裡的水。(因為水的價格遠低於立可白,通常不會遭拒。)
借火,是要求給予使用火堆或打火機中的權力,以取得火源。
借過,是要求對方讓出空間中的特定位置,以便通過繼續前進。
借問,則是要求對方給予一些時間,以方便詢答問題。


雖然是用借,但因借用的東西,並無消失之虞,所以通常不需歸還,或者說它借用的時間,通常非常短暫。不過,在繁忙的都市,特別是上下班的尖峰時間,你要借問,如果遭到拒絕,那通常是因為對方認為當時的時間寶貴,無法出借。


又,還有一種東西,是無法歸還的。那就是完全屬於個人所獨有的,如時間,心力,或是愛,等價值無法衡量的東西。


我想起鄧麗君的歌曲中,把我的愛情還給我,的歌詞。

這只被當成一種沒有結果的埋怨。因為愛情,是無法歸還的。就算當事人聽到,相信也只能雙手一攤,無能為力。


試想,如果唱的是,把我的相片還給我。那就很簡單了。因為清楚的指出了物。當事人可以只要歸還了相片,那事情便解決了。


所以呢,價值無法衡量的東西,最好是以給予的方式來進行。如果稍微存有借的心態,那可能就要衍生出許多意想不到的痛苦了。


「給人不能還人!」


我想起小時候,常聽到同學、朋友的對話中出現這句話。之後,兩人便開始教室或是巷弄間展開一陣追逐打鬧,爭奪一張遊戲用的紙牌或是有香水味的橡皮擦。


無論結果如何,最後,總有一方獲得,一方失落。


這還算幸運了。


因為如果爭討的物,是屬於價值無法衡量的東西,那該物便會憑空消失,再也不存在於任何一方手上了。


話題回到,助人為快樂之本,這句話上。


助人,本來就是種發生在當下,不求回報,並不問結果的給予。


如果忘記了或這麼認為,那麼自己所以為的助人,很難會是快樂之本。


或許,很多事,我們只會背,從來沒有真的了解過。

何献瑞 發表 | [[ 詩詞 ] 什麼怪東西] | 單篇網址 | 迴響 (78)
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助人
1. 施善的最高原則,是保持受施者的尊嚴。
2. 「傾聽」,就是助人。
有些人需要的只是聽眾,傾聽,不只幫了他的忙,你也多知道了些人生經歷。
3. 有一分能力幫一個人,有十分能力幫十個人。
我們第一個要幫的是自己,
讓自己有微笑待人的能力,我才可以把微笑傳給需要的人;
讓自己有謙卑的能力,我才可以跪下來欣賞路邊的小花,讚嘆造物的神奇;
讓自己有學習的能力,我才知道…………..
每逢大雪而紐約的公立小學不停課時,都有家長打電話去罵,
妙的是,每個打電話的,反應全一樣──
怒氣沖沖地責問,再滿口道歉、笑容滿面地掛上。

原因是,學校告訴家長:『在紐約充滿著百萬富豪,但也有不少赤貧的家庭,
後者白天開不起暖氣、供不起午餐,
孩子的營養全靠學校的免費中飯 (甚至多拿些回家當晚餐),
學校停一天課,窮孩子就受一天凍、挨一天餓,
所以老師們寧願自己吃苦,也不願意停課。』

有家長說:何不讓富裕的孩子留在家裡,貧窮的孩子去學校享受暖氣和營養午餐。

學校的答覆是:『我們不願讓那些窮苦的孩子感覺他們在接受救濟。
因為施善的最高原則,是保持受施者的尊嚴。』

Book1 發表於 February 3, 2008 11:05 PM

笛子的最後一截是DO音嗎?
我只記得大家演奏時笛尾會慢慢因為口水+重力而砸到地上磁磚發出噪音,然後狼狽彎腰撿拾的場景

btw..."最糟也不過如此"那篇寫的很棒!有寫到心坎裡....

11619 發表於 October 24, 2007 08:53 AM

to 11619:
你這連笛子都沒有Do音的傢伙,自然只能扮演借立可白的角色。哈哈。

何献瑞 發表於 October 23, 2007 08:00 AM

你喚醒我塵封的記憶~我都快忘了,國中之前要借立可白時,對方真的都會先問要塗哪裡.........至於我當然都是沒有立可白的那個貸方囉.haha

11619 發表於 September 28, 2007 08:00 AM

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